My Recurring Nightmare

Christmas Night … and I had one of my recurring nightmares, that never fails to wake me up. I dream that I’m trying to crawl or squeeze or climb through a narrow place that I can’t get my head through. I’ve often wondered whether this is some deeply ingrained memory from a preconscious state, of the trouble and danger of being born. I’ve never heard that my mum had special difficulty giving birth to me. But she was quite little, and I do have quite a big head, so it wouldn’t be surprising.

Then I remembered, I had been watching the Christmas episode of Call The Midwife just the evening before.

Man of the Borderlands

One of the things I do remember about that St Albans diocesan clergy conference in 1971, was one of the small discussion groups I was part of. One of the chapters in the book of preparatory reading, included the thought that, in order to engage with contemporary culture, Christians would need to be ‘people of the borderlands’, as Jesus was. Bridging the gap between people who were usually considered to be ‘in’, and those who were considered to be ‘out’.

I was taken with this idea. So much so that in between sessions I was inspired to write a poem about it. Not only that, but also to share that poem in the small group session. (I now think that was a bit bold, maybe presumptuous, for a brand new curate. But maybe I was too young to know better.) The poem:

God’s Debatable Lands

We all are people who fight shy of borders:
we want to life safe, deep in black, or white;
are creatures of light or darkness, fearing twilight.
Look how we build up fences against marauders,
miles, miles of wire that shout mankind’s disorders
in empty lands. There Love cannot alight —
it is a frightened bird flung into flight,
a beaten madman cringing from his warders.

Loving our brittle refuge better than God,
we shun his country, the Debatable Lands.
— But then, by brambly ways we never trod
there comes to us, with broken, bleeding hands
which hold out risk, and healing — not a rod —
our Jesus, Christ, the Man of the Borderlands.


You’ll notice, maybe, that it’s a sonnet. Malcolm Guite writes more of them. And better.